Meet Melissa


Even as a child, Melissa’s answer to the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up”, never changed. “A mom,” she said. “My desire to be a mom has always been even stronger for me than being a wife.” 

She remembers the moment of clarity when it made sense for her to become a foster parent. “I had been working at a children’s hospital and saw these children coming in all the time who needed safe homes. I was helping to bath one of the kids who had been removed from their house and wondering what the future held for this child. I knew at that moment that I wanted to be part of the solution.”

Melissa began taking her foster parent classes soon after. She was licensed in January 2013, and received her first placement in February. “They called only four hours before the baby girl was discharged from the hospital. They asked if I wanted to care for her. I said, ‘Yes…I think,’” she says. Not only was Melissa ready, she adopted that baby girl as her daughter that same year. Since then, Melissa has welcomed 9 other children into her home through the foster care system.

In 2017, she got another call that changed her life when they called to tell her that her daughter’s biological mother had another child and the baby boy would need foster care. Melissa adopted her daughter’s baby brother in 2018.

One of the challenges she faces is having enough hours in the day to master all things she thinks she needs to or wants to. “I work full-time and I love my job and I love being a mom. Trying to balance them both and being my best at both places is hard.” She also notes that finances are a consistent struggle. “Being a one-income household is extremely difficult.” She says, “There is this internal struggle that asks, ‘am I enough.’ I have to remind myself every day that I am enough. I am enough for my children. They are loved. They are safe. They feel joy. I need to stop doubting that I am enough.”

Her greatest joy is being a mom. “I’m proud that I’m a mom. It’s an important job and it’s a heavy job, but I feel empowered. I love watching my kids become friends with each other.” She goes on to say, “I love that I have a sense of family. There is always noise at my house. I’m always tripping over toys. My kids bring such a livelihood to who I am and help define my purpose.”

If she could give one piece of advice to other single parents she’d say, “Give yourself the permission to not feel the weight of having to play two roles, both mom and dad. A single parent household is strong and wonderful, and yes, it’s hard but give yourself a pass on trying to play two roles at the same time. We can all play into this mommy guilt thing; are my kids in all the activities?; does she look perfect all the time?; does my 2-year-old act out at day care?; Of course he does. You’re not supposed to be perfect – you’re not supposed to know everything and do it all right all the time. Using our hearts and brains to make decisions is enough for our kids.”

When Melissa thinks of Single Parent Provision, she thinks of, “The amount of parents who are in similar situations as I am. It’s so powerful. For example, when I go to the Christmas Dinner and look around at the diversity and feel the collective bond, it is so powerful for me,” she says. “SPP is so good at helping provide that sense of community by giving us opportunities to meet each other. Sometimes I feel excluded or like the minority in the room. But, through SPP, I see there are so many of us. I see our stories are different but we all have that same bond. We are doing it alone, but we never have to feel alone.”

Thank you, Melissa, for being an inspiration!


Published June 2019

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