Hermes never thought he’d be a divorced father. “I grew up in a family were my parents have been married for over three decades and raised us to be committed to our partners during the thick and thin,” he says.

Unfortunately, this is not the way things worked out for Hermes. Life changed dramatically soon after he and his then wife married in 2008. Within six months, Hermes was diagnosed with a difficult and life-altering auto-immune condition. They welcomed their son in 2009. In 2010, his wife suffered an accident and was bed-ridden for more than three months in recovery.

“These things put a lot of stress on our marriage, and being from different cultures with different belief systems, made it really hard,” he says. “Our family dynamics changed drastically, our communication diminished, and trust and resentment began to govern our everyday lives.” They eventually divorced in May 2012.

“Since then, I’ve experienced joys and scares of raising a son. I’ve had the chance to meet people from church, work and the community who have been instrumental in helping me navigate the single parent world that I never thought I would have to experience. I try and take it one day at a time.”

The biggest challenges Hermes faces are around not having the opportunity to see his son on a daily basis. “I used to look forward to seeing him every day, and the chance to bond with him. I find myself always thinking about what he’s doing, how things are going at school, who his friends are. I try my best to support him the best I can while not being there each day. I do all I can to maximize the time I do have with him.”

His greatest joys are when Hermes gets to pick his son up from school. “His eyes light up when he sees me and he can’t wait spend time with me. I didn’t have that with my father, so it’s very special.” Hermes says, “Whether we go to the park, or to the movie, or even just stay at home, it is out of this world.” He goes on to say, “I don’t want him to ever forget the fact his father loves him.”

The advice he would offer other single parents is to, “Seek God first. Have and develop a healthy support network. Know that it’s okay to cry and feel down, but don’t get stuck in that mindset. And, remember that children are always watching and learning from us.”

When Hermes thinks of Single Parent Provision, he thinks of faith, support, and connection. “I don’t have any family close by, and it is so important to have an organization who really cares for us.” He says, “There is such a large number of single parents. It’s a bit overwhelming to see it. To have an organization who is for us, who are loving and non-judgmental, gives me hope.”

Thank you, Hermes, for sharing your story!

Published May 2019