“My hope is that I wouldn’t lose sight of God. That I would trust He loves me and my daughter and is in pursuance of us. There is no way I can love the Lord and trust the Lord and NOT have him take care of me and my daughter. And my hope is that I would remember that He is in control.”
Mujè holds on to these hopes after feeling as though her life was turned upside down. After having mutually decided she would step back from work after having their daughter, the pandemic soon made it unsafe for her to return to work due to health concerns. As the months and the challenges continued, Mujè feels as though her marriage started turning cold. “I could tell we were just living day to day, just trying to get by. And then he moved out. I thought it was temporary. We started going to counseling but he eventually didn’t want to continue and filed for divorce.” With Mujè not having consistent work, having a very young daughter, and still dealing with different health issues, her future seemed unclear, and she wasn’t sure what to do next.
There have been many challenges through this stage of Mujè’s journey, including finding consistent work that fits in with the busy single parent life of trying to get to school, appointments, and the co-parenting schedule. Having to travel between two different households “impacts potty training and behavior and that can be challenging. Sometimes I tell her to go watch tv for a minute because I feel like I don’t have anything left to give. I mentally need time to unplug, so I think tv is going to have to be enough right now.”
Mujè takes time to reflect on some of the ways she has seen growth in her life, even in the challenging beginning stage of her single parent journey. “Before being married I was extremely independent, but I feel like I let that go after marriage because there were two of us. After the divorce when I realized I no longer had that extra person around, I knew not only do I need to step up but I need to have a good attitude and heart about doing it. Everything I do is for her benefit, not that it wasn’t like that before, but now it is mandatory. I can’t take time off even when I want to and that has pushed me to be strong and independent in a new way.” Mujè has found that with this independence, she enjoys taking her daughter out for special outings, but also to one of their favorite places – the grocery store. “I like taking her there because she tells me what she sees and what is going on around her. It’s kind of become our thing, she loves going!”
Mujè has found support in key places during her journey as a single parent thus far. “I immediately got a therapist. She suggested I look into a Single Moms Group through Single Parent Provision. She also suggested I go to the Single Moms Christmas Dinner. I didn’t think I was ready to go to a Group. At that time, I would fall apart easily, and I was still trying to wrap my head around what was happening. I didn’t feel strong enough to sit in a Group. But I went to the Single Moms Christmas Dinner and ended up sitting with a mom who was wonderful! She made me feel so comfortable. And as she shared about her own experience, she seemed so optimistic about it. She pushed me to get involved with a Single Moms Group, too, so I ended up going and I am so glad I went. I wish I had started when my therapist originally suggested it!” Based on her own experiences, Mujè would encourage other single parents to also find support through therapy and small groups. “It is not good to isolate yourself. That can be so damaging and set you back even further. You need to be around people to keep you going but also to encourage you and remind you this is happening whether you like it or not. Even if it’s not ‘that bad’ right now, you need to have systems and people in place to support you. Don’t try to do it on your own even if that is what you are used to.”
Thank you, Mujè, for sharing your story with us. You are a wonderful mother to your daughter and we are so glad we get to share in a little part of your journey with you!
Published March 2023