In the years since his marriage ended, Tim learned that he can’t control others, but he can control his own actions and reactions. “I thought [being married] would be forever. It took a while…I was bitter…at God, at my ex-wife…because things didn’t go like I thought they would. Once I realized I had some things that I needed to work on – I’m a happier person and the kids can see that.”

Prior to his divorce, Tim said he probably didn’t spend much time with his children. Now, he has a greater appreciation for being a dad. (It’s easy to hear the pride in Tim’s voice as he talks about his 11-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son.) He has learned more about his son and daughter, acknowledging that each of them has their own personality, and he is enjoying watching them grow into becoming their own person. He is grateful for the ability to spend time with them after school every day and is very happy that they all enjoy spending time together. Lately, Tim loves watching his children challenge themselves as they step outside of their comfort zones, trying new things and exploring new ideas.

“Finding the right balance between encouraging my kids and disciplining my kids” is a challenge for Tim. He shares that seeking advice from his parents and others has helped him find a healthy balance.

“It’s always a work in progress.” Tim recalled seasons that were hard and how it took a lot of work as he navigated single parenting with firmness. Now, he is seeing how those hard seasons are paying off.

Tim has had a foundational support system, starting with his parents. “I’ve had some really good deep conversations with my parents. They’ve been married over 50 years and are strong [in their faith].” Being somewhat of an extrovert himself, he is not afraid to ask for the advice of others, especially those who are parents – married and single, neighbors, co-workers. Receiving encouragement and advice from others who have children who are older, or grown, is very welcomed. Tim has also found encouragement attending the Single Dads Group. “It has been really cool being with other single [dads]. It feels comfortable sharing and learning from each other.” Tim is encouraged by seeing others grow, including his friends and his kids, and even people he doesn’t know well. This creates a desire for growth in himself.

Tim encourages other single parents to “give yourself grace; you are going to make mistakes. Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong; but then make sure when you are right, celebrate the successes.”

For those not single parents, Tim would ask for a little grace when single parents can’t grab dinner with friends on a whim. “…its tough…on a single income. It’s not personal; single income families need to budget differently.”

As Tim looks to the future, he hopes his children will continue to keep the “exploring spirit” they have recently been displaying as they try new things and that they continue to be sensitive to the needs of others. He hopes they know and understand priorities; that they put God first, then family and friends, and then “everything else will fall into place.”

Thank you, Tim, for sharing part of your journey; it is filled with hope and encouragement!

Published March 2024